I would like to make a little 'mental order order .. .. a bit' of the situation .. not even know what to call it! The days go by, and although I sometimes feel that everything is not always boringly the same in reality this is so. With the passing of days, things change, evolve .. we change ourselves, often without even realizing it. If I think of as I was a year ago I feel that some transformation has taken place ..
.. strong anger that I feel I softened it .. or maybe I found a better way to handle it .. or I'm taking the leash ready to release it again ..
.. mine too touchy to be that until recently made me irrascibile, unbearable to myself and maybe others .. or decreased I simply learned to be thinking more about things .. to ensure that it is not the anger to take over ..
I learned not to listen to myself and most others ..
actually maybe I never learned to listen .. listen to myself, my mind, my feelings, my body .. I believe that he had never done until the end .. but at least I think I've fought with all my strength when it was time .. it's weird .. just in the most difficult pulled out all my strength and I was able to deal with situations when faced with insurmountable .. little things I saw myself a tiny little ant in front of .. .. a mountain a mountain made of people. Yes, I'm afraid too often afraid of the other .. then what? probably in their opinion, as if with a look could take my insecurities, my past experience, my history as a child not too popular. What
unlikely. Sometimes I hate my insecurity that prevents me from going over .. sometimes it makes me comfortable, and sometimes a shield behind which to hide, hide. But I believe that in addition to my fears and insecurities there is something positive and maybe it's the positive side I have to learn to concentrate more. The tenacity with me .. I continue my journey, my studies to become what you dream inside of me and I hope to turn into reality. For this I had to fight, go for example, against a grandparent who believes that in my situation sia meglio andare a lavorare piuttosto che andare all'università. Questo egoismo rimane ancora per me una grande incomprensione mescolta a dolore amaro.
In compenso ci sono persone che credono fermamente in me.
Dopo dure lotte ho raggiunto anche un piccolo "sogno" per me grandissimo. L'avere una cameretta tutta mia. un'armadio, una scrivania, un letto..solo miei. Non tanto per il valore degli oggetti in sè..ma per il valore delle SPAZIO, uno spazio solo MIO, nel quale potermi rifugiare..nel quale poter ridere o piangere senza esser disturbata, uno spazio un po' riservato dove poter scrivere, leggere, studiare...uno spazio confortevole che non vedi l'ora di "riabbracciare" quando sei lontana. Uno spazio che mi è sempre stato negato.Beh too small I achieved the great goal. With the savings I had from there I could! I designed it myself what I had in my mind .. thoughts finally turned into reality .. and now I can say that in spite of having to share a room with my brother is something of my own, depart from me, plus a simple Ikea bookcase as a room divider can work miracles!
inwardly feel peace, I feel that I shed so many things at the same time .. but still I feel I must continue my search path .. .. a soul-searching journey that I would like to take me to know and really discover myself. That part of me that even if it is hidden will emerge in some way.
each passing day, while I get a bit 'bigger they are increasingly aware of the fact that the first years of life are they conclusive. The years of growth, formation of the ego, of one's identity for years .. delicate, crucial to the creation of what will then be an adult.
Perhaps the confusion that often there is in me is nothing but the confusion that surrounded me when I was a little girl, having no stable points for sure and firm. In all this chaos, however, are convinced that there is something positive. If in my life there was chaos inside of me now might not have found that feeling that I have and even the desire to dedicate my life to the children ..
funny though ... I wanted to talk about policy in this post and I end up talking about chaos! I do not deny ever!
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